Shadows of Remembrance
by SBoleyn
Summary: Before Amelia can marry James she has to deal with some unfinished business in Seattle involving none other than Mark Sloan. In the words of Pablo Neruda "I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where, I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way."
1. Prologue

**A/N:** Hi guys! This is my first Grey's story, I just couldn't get the idea out of my mind, I had to write it down. Since it came out of nowhere, I still don't know if this is gonna be a one-shot or if it's gonna be a multi-chapter story.

 **Few things first:**

The plane crash never happened, but Mark broke it off with Julia.

Things went a little differently when Amelia went to Seattle after the shooting.

This is set around the time Amelia visited after she got engaged to James.

Derek is not working in DC yet.

 **Enjoy and let me know what you think!**

 _ **Shadows of Remembrance**_

"If little by little you stop loving me, I shall stop loving you little by little…" Pablo Neruda

Mark was standing with Avery at the nurse's station discussing a case, when he heard Derek laughing and the distinct voice of Amelia Shepherd telling him to "be serious, Derek!" He couldn't help the smile that took over his features. He turned around and said "Amy! What are you doing here?"

Amelia smiled widely at him, raised her ring finger and said "I got engaged" yet, as excited as she tried to sound, they could detect the panic in her voice.

Derek, almost laughing, said "And she ran" It seemed weird to him that Amelia hadn't corrected Mark regarding the 'Amy' but he let it slide, she probably had other stuff on her mind, namely, the engagement. Maybe that also explained why she didn't hug Mark, they'd always been close and they hadn't seen each other since she came to Seattle after the shooting, why they didn't hug was beyond him, but either way, he had never understood them.

Mark shook his head, the smile never leaving his face as he looked at her and said "Because of course you did"

Amelia rolled her eyes in response "I'm here to see how Meredith and Derek manage to have a family and a career" She didn't miss the looks that Mark and Derek exchanged, so she added "Ugh! I can't with you two" then, she looked at Avery and told him "Where's the chief of surgery?"

Avery was not expecting her to ask him something. Besides, he didn't know what to say, so he stammered "Oh, uh… He's in his office. I guess"

Amelia grabbed her stuff and, as she left, said "See you later, idiots. I'm gonna get myself some privileges"

Derek yelled after her "Amelia don't you dare steal my surgeries!" but it was to no avail, she had already disappeared down the hall. All he could do was shook his head as Mark laughed at him and said "I'm so glad she didn't choose Plastics"

* * *

She had always loved Seattle, the rainy days suited her better than LA's ever-present sun. Look, she didn't go about her days as if someone had kicked her puppy, she joked all the time, she was sarcastic, witty, a firecracker. But that was how she dealt with her demons, if she didn't talk and joke constantly, she'd get trapped in her thoughts, and the only way to stop that head of hers? Drugs. So, yeah, she wasn't naturally sunshiny, like LA, that was a coping mechanism of sorts. Inside, she was more like a perfect storm, like Seattle.

Once she arrived at the Chief's office she knocked and went inside, she wasn't one to stay outside until someone told her to come in. She stood before him and said "Chief"

She could see that she caught Hunt by surprise, the confusion written all over his face as he tried to make sense of who she was proved it. But a few seconds later recognition lit up in his eyes and he smiled before saying "Dr. Shepherd I'm glad to see you. What are you doing here?"

Amelia shrugged and said "I'm visiting Derek" Then, she smiled innocently at him and followed up with it "But I couldn't help noticing that he has a lot of work, what do you say we lift some weight off his shoulders and let me help him?"

Owen could see where she was going, so he smiled knowingly and said "You told Derek about this 'help' you want to give him?"

Amelia's voice was dripping of sarcasm when she said "Oh but why would I say anything if all I want to do is surprise him with my generosity?"

Owen couldn't help but laugh at her antics, he shook his head and said "I'm giving you privileges, but I don't want any part in yours and your brother's drama" as he pointed a finger at her.

Amelia smiled triumphantly and sarcastically said "Please, what drama?" then she laughed with him and said "Thanks Chief, see you later!" and left the office. She changed into some scrubs and was walking to the nurse's station to see Derek's scheduled surgeries when her phone rang, it was a text from Mark saying " _ER, Trauma 2_ " she knew what that meant and she couldn't be happier, Mark probably needed a neuro consult and instead of paging Derek, he texted her. She ran down to the ER before she could run into Derek, or worse, before he could get there faster than her.

When she arrived at Trauma 2 she smiled at Mark and said "What do we have?" as she checked the patient's pupils.

Mark winked at her and replied "Fell down a the hole of an elevator, he's responsive but I don't want to risk it"

Amelia nodded and said "Good call" then she turned to one of the residents and said "let's get him a CT"

It turned out that the patient had a brain bleed, while Amelia performed the procedure to stop it, Mark and Avery did reconstructive surgery on his face. Those who scrubbed in with them could see that this probably wasn't the first time they operated together, there was some sort of familiarity surrounding them and everyone could feel it, many of them felt like they were in a surgery with Derek and Mark, that's how normal it felt having Amelia there.

At one point during the surgery Mark said "Tell me Amy, who is this lucky guy that in a few months is gonna become Mr. Shepherd?"

Amelia rolled her eyes, she had been waiting for this, he had actually took longer to ask than she expected "His name is James, he's an ER attending, gorgeous smile, killer body-"

Mark interrupted her "-and?"

Amelia raised an eyebrow and said " _and?_ "

Mark looked at her momentarily and said "Come on, Amy. There's gotta be something wrong with him, he can't be that perfect" amusement all over his tone.

Amelia was so focused on the task at hand that she absentmindedly answered "He's a Republican" She wasn't about to name any other oh his flaws, but that little tidbit of information seemed harmless.

Mark laughed out loud and said "What?! No way, and you're marrying a _Republican_?" spitting the last word in disgust.

But of course she forgot that she was talking to Mark of all people, he wouldn't stop at anything to make fun of her, so she decided to fire back with a little of her own venom. She shrugged and said "What can I say? He makes up for it in bed"

Mark answered "He can't be that good"

Without looking up from their patient Amelia said "I'd say he's better than you, but I don't want to hurt your feelings"

Mark laughed again and said " _Please_ , no one is better than me. I can do a survey to prove it"

Amelia pretended to do some sort of math before replying "Well yeah, more women are gonna say you're better because you're a slut and have slept your way across America"

Mark rolled his eyes and sounded like an 8 year old when he said "I'm not a slut" except for the fact that it wouldn't be appropriate for an 8 year old to utter those words.

Amelia cleared her troath and, loud enough for the whole room to hear, said "Anyone in this OR that has slept with Mark Sloan raise your hand" She looked around for a bit and saw that no one had done as she asked, so she said "Come on ladies, if I wasn't busy I'd raise both of them" at that, a couple of nurses and the anesthesiologist raised their hands, so Amelia said "Thanks ladies" Then she looked at Mark and said "See? You're a slut"

Mark winked at those who had raised their hands and answered "Whatever, I'm a better lay than your fiancé and you know it" Then, with a mischievous grin on his face, said "If your memory fails you I have no problem reminding you"

Amelia pretended to ponder over his offer before saying "As tempting as that sounds, I don't think you'd be able to handle me" as a glint of wickedness shined trough her eyes.

In amusement and with the same amount of fire in his eyes Mark said "Is that a challenge?"

Amelia just shrugged her shoulders in response as a smile spread across her face.

Truth to be told, no one in the OR could figure out if they were serious or not, their banter seemed that of friends who loved to mess with each other, but they couldn't help but feel a hint of truth in the pair's words and actions.

* * *

Alex sat down in the cafeteria next to Lexie and Meredith. He pointed at the latter and said "Your sister-in-law is here" as he chewed a French fry.

Horror took over Meredith's face and she said "Which one?"

Alex kept eating his fries as he tried to remember the name of this one, a pensive look on his face "Mmm, the hot one. The youngest"

Meredith threw a grape at him "You scared the crap out of me! I though it was one of the others!"

Alex looked at her with confusion and raised his arms defensively "Calm down dude, they're not that bad. Besides, you should've known what you were getting into, they're related to _Shepherd_ "

Avery heard the end of their conversation as he sat down, he said "Shepherd's sister? I was just in surgery with her and Sloan, they were flirting up a storm. If I didn't know better I'd say they're sleeping together"

Lexie remembered Amelia very well, after all, they had worked together on Erica's case and she had seen her and Mark making out in the halfway of his building a couple of years ago, back when she still had hope that she and Mark could work. But a lot had happened since, Mark had a daughter and she found happiness in her career, as cliché as that sounded it was true, of course she would always love him, but they were in different places and she wasn't willing to sacrifice herself for him. Yet, she was curious about this thing with Amelia, so she intervened for the first time saying "What do you mean if you didn't know better?"

Avery took a sip of his drink and said "I was with Sloan when she arrived this morning, told him she's engaged"

Alex snorted and said "That hasn't stopped Sloan before. I'd bang her, engaged or not"

Lexie rolled her eyes and said "Well, that's because you're disgusting"

Before Alex could reply Amelia entered the cafeteria and went to their table, excitedly she said "Mer!" as she got closer. Then she looked at Lexie and said "Hi Lexie!" Lexie smiled and waved in response.

Meredith stood up and hugged her before saying "Amy! What are you doing here?" She knew that Amelia was in Seattle and that she was engaged, but she didn't know exactly why she was there. Besides, she wasn't about to let her know that they were just talking about her.

Amelia raised her ring finger for what felt like the 100th time since James proposed and said "I'm here to learn from you and Derek. I'm engaged!"

Meredith beamed and said "Congratulations, that's great!" she was really happy for her sister in law, she knew that she had struggled with addiction, and even though she didn't know the details, she guessed it must've been very hard for her to deal with something like that. Besides, she knew how much Amelia loved Zola and Bailey, she always asked about them, and she was glad that her children had a good role model in their aunt. So she asked Amelia "Did you see the kids?"

Amelia looker around the cafeteria and answered "Actually, I came to grab something to eat and then I'm headed towards the daycare. I still have to see Sofia too.

"Oh. I'd join you, but I have surgery in 15 minutes"

Amelia frowned, gave Meredith a lopsided smile, and said "I didn't ask you to join me"

Meredith laughed in response and then sighed "I see you're still not filtering"

Amelia gave Meredith a huge smile and replied "Nope"

* * *

The rest of the day Amelia played with the kids and then took a nap in an on-call room. She was in the lobby waiting for Meredith and Derek, when she spotted them both walking down the stairs. She went over to them and once she saw the way Derek was looking at her she raised her hands defensively and said "Hey, I didn't steal anything from you, you were busy. The patient could've died, you know"

Derek rolled his eyes annoyed, he wasn't mad at her, she just drove him insane. He huffed "We both know that's not the case Amy"

Meredith laughed and said "Don't listen to him, he has stolen plenty of surgeries from me"

At Meredith's words Amelia looked at Derek and said "Ha! You're worse than I am!"

Meredith smiled at the siblings and asked Amelia "Are you staying with us?"

Before Amelia could answer, Mark appeared at her side, threw a hand over her shoulders and told Meredith "She's not" Then, he looked at Amelia and said "Dinner's on me, pasta?"

Amelia smiled, shook her head in disbelief, and said "You know me too well" she wrapped her arm around his side, turned to Meredith and Derek and said "Bye guys! See you tomorrow"

Once Amelia and Mark left, Meredith looked at Derek confused and said "Wasn't she here to see how we managed a family and a career?"

Derek shook his head in response and said "I'm not gonna pretend I know how her mind works" then he laced his fingers through hers and they went to get the children at daycare.

The drive to Mark's apartment was a peaceful one, she was tired from the long day. She had, after all, traveled halfway across the country and performed a 5 hour surgery in the same day. Once they got to the apartment, she kicked off her shoes and sat at a barstool in the kitchen, as Mark put on some music. Then, he handed her a cutting board, a knife, and a few potatoes and onions, she couldn't cook to save her life, but she could use a knife, she was a surgeon. They fell into a comfortable rhythm, him doing the actual cooking and her chopping the stuff he needed, anyone watching would think that they had been doing this their whole lives. Neither had said a word since they left the hospital, the air around them turned somewhat serious, gone were the jokes of the OR, each was lost in their own thoughts

Once the food was ready, Mark took the plates to the coffee table in front of the sofa as Amelia filled two wine glasses with sparkling water. They both sat comfortably on the couch and started eating the pasta Mark had made, halfway through the meal he said "You're not here to 'learn' from Meredith and Derek" looking her right in the eyes. Somehow, his tone didn't reveal any feelings, he just looked at her expectantly, like he knew what she was about to say. And he did.

Amelia shrugged and said "Well, that could actually be helpful. But no, that's not why I'm here. I'm here to get a divorce" she took a sip of her water, and tried to speak casually, as if they were talking about the weather, but she failed, he could detect a mix of emotions in her tone when she said "I can't marry James if I'm still married to you"

The second he heard the panic in her voice when she said that she was engaged he knew why she was in Seattle. She could've emailed him the divorce papers, but this was Amelia they were talking about, she had a tendency to panic and run when she wasn't sure of something. He almost kicked himself for feeling hopeful over the fact that she decided to make a trip across the country to see him, he couldn't help but feel that it meant that she wasn't done with him, that she was doubting her engagement because of him. But then reality set it, she probably was doubting her engagement because he cheated on her, she probably ran from getting married because she didn't know if she could do it again, and that was his fault. Yet, his hopeful side wanted him to believe that that was not the case, he needed to know how she felt, he tried to act as normal as possible, but she could see the mix of sadness and hope in his eyes as he said "You could've emailed me the papers. It's not like we have anything to settle"

Of course he would read her like an open book. He always had. He was the one that always got her out of trouble when she was a teen, he was the one who didn't stop talking to her after she overdosed and was dead for 3 minutes, he was the one she fell in love with out of nowhere, like he fell in love with her, he was the one she eloped with, he was the one she didn't talk to for years because he cheated on her with Addison, but he was also the one she called when she found out her baby didn't have a brain. He had been with her every step of the way. She couldn't stay away from him, and she guessed that it was because he was one of the only constants in her life, through the good and the bad, he had seen her at her best and loved her through her worst. Of course, he hadn't been her only love and she hadn't been his, they had been separated for 10 years, this was her second engagement during that time period, and he spent the better part of it either chasing after Addie or after Lexie Grey, asking both of them to marry him at some point. It was funny, how they thought about marrying other people but didn't ask the other for a divorce, after all, you couldn't marry someone if you were married to someone else. And if you asked her, she couldn't tell you why they hadn't gotten a divorce in all of those years. Maybe it was because it gave them some weird sense of security, that if everything else failed they'd still have each other, she felt stupid for thinking that if they divorced he wouldn't be there for her, because she knew that was not the case at all. It was something about saying that he was hers that stopped her from divorcing him, she knew that he stopped being hers years ago, but on paper he was, and she didn't want to lose that. She didn't want to lose him. That was it.

She knew him as well as he knew her, and him asking her about her decision to come to Seattle only showed that he shared her fears, after all, he didn't break their marriage off either. Her suspicions were proven correct when she asked him "Why didn't you file for divorce in all these years?" and he failed to answer and looked at the floor instead. She had no idea what to do with that information, she didn't even want to think about it. She grabbed their plates of unfinished food and set them on the table, when she was done he already had his arm up waiting for her to nestle under it and put her head on his chest. It was strange, how they never stopped being in synch, perhaps that's what 15 years of being in and out of someone's life did to you.

God, what were they going to do? They weren't in love with each other, after so many years they _couldn't_ be in love with each other, could they?

"…My love feeds on your love, beloved, and as long as you live, it will be in your arms without leaving mine." Pablo Neruda.

 **A/N:** Thanks for reading! What did you guys think? If I have the time to continue, I will. I already have some sort of plot planned out, but I have to actually sit down and write the story. Also, I couldn't help but squeeze in a liiiiittle Slexie and a liiiiittle Omelia.


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N:** My loves! This is gonna sound super cliché, but it's true, I was not expecting the response this got! I swear, I didn't expect to get a review, let alone so many, and all so positive! Well, except one, but in light of that amount of good things one bad review doesn't really matter. **Thank you so much for your support!**

All of you expressed wanting to see where this is headed, I have to be honest, I have some sort of plot planned out, but it can change at any time, I like to let the characters guide the story, so we'll see what happens together! Also, flashbacks are in italics. **Enjoy!**

 _ **Shadows of Remembrance**_

"If little by little you stop loving me, I shall stop loving you little by little…" Pablo Neruda

 **Chapter 1**

As they sat together, neither could help the flashbacks. For so long, so many other things had happened in their lives, that this part of it, the part that involved the other, was left in a box in their brains. It was reopened sometimes, but neither let themselves dwell on a memory too long, because as happy as said memory might be, the hurt it left them with when they remembered how the story ended was too much to bear. But now, with the opportunity to end the story for good in sight, they had to remember, they had to open the box, how could they not?

 _Amelia's family didn't talk to her, they stopped talking to her when she overdosed and had to be brought back to life. Granted, she went to rehab and graduated from Harvard, but no one uttered a word to her. Mark, unlike them, was with her every step of the way, he visited her in rehab and he was the one she called when she felt she was losing her mind in college, and she was the one he called when he had a bad day at work, or when he fought with Derek, which happened when any of them brought her up in conversation, yet, Derek always thought that, even though Mark defended her, he didn't talk to her. So, when she went back to New York to star her internship, she did it in another hospital, she vowed to make someone of herself without her family, she was going to show them just how capable she was, and if she accepted a program in the hospital where they all worked at, they would forever say that she did well because of them. Of course, she talked endlessly about her decision with Mark, and during one of their last phone calls before she left for New York he told her to move in with him, when she asked him for a reason he said that rent in New York City was expensive, it went without saying that he didn't trust her living alone. The first few moths they barely saw each other, what with their insane hours and the fact that she worked downtown while he worked uptown, but about 7 months into their living arrangements Amelia got home one evening, after working a double shift, to find Mark standing in the living room, all dressed up and watching something on the TV as he put on cologne. She put her bag in the kitchen counter and said "Hey, going somewhere?"_

 _Mark turned to her surprised, he hadn't heard her entering the apartment, frankly, he almost forgot that she lived here too, he hadn't seen her in days, they texted all the time, but it almost felt like she was in Massachusetts, not here in New York with him. So, of course he was happy to see her and it showed all over his face, he said "Hey. I missed your face, you know?" as he got closer to her. Amelia smiled sheepishly at him, it was so endearing to him. She looked so beautiful, her hair was in a messy bun, she was still dressed in her scrubs, and a leather jacket was the only thing guarding her from the cold that filled New York in September. It was in that moment that he realized that all he wanted was right in front of him. He was supposed to go out with some girl Derek and Addison wanted him to date, apparently they wanted to double date or some crap like that, but he didn't want to go, not with Amelia here with him, which made him realize that that was also the reason why he stopped sleeping around, at first he thought that it was because Amelia lived with him, but she had told him that she wouldn't interfere with his manwhoring ways and he wasn't one to be ashamed of a hookup, but now he knew. He couldn't bear to be with any woman because there was only one woman he wanted._

 _Amelia was confused, what was it with that stupid smile on his face? She felt her heart drop to her stomach when she thought that maybe he looked so happy because he was going out with someone he liked, maybe he was dating someone. With despair, she realized that she didn't want him to, she wanted him for her, how did she not realize it sooner? Of course, in classic Amelia fashion, she made sense of her feelings when it was too late, when he was already happy with someone else. She tried to mask her sadness and discomfort, and said "You look hot. Got a date?" as she occupied herself in filling a glass with water, she couldn't look at him in the eyes, he'd know something was wrong, and this time she couldn't talk about it with him. Yep, she needed some girl friends._

 _Mark leaned against the counter, he could see her getting jealous, she though he didn't notice, but he knew her. He could've laughed at the situation if he wasn't so enamored with the sight of her in that exact moment. He replied "No. Everything I want is right here"_

 _Amelia looked up at him with wide eyes, she set the glass and the water on the table and, as she pointed at him and herself, stammered "You… Uh. I… You…"_

 _Mark got closer to her, grabbed her by the waist, and breathed "Tell me I'm not the only one feeling this way"_

 _Amelia's face filled with relief and joy, as she shook her head and a smile took over her face, she grabbed his face in her hands and kissed him as if her life depended on it. She was intoxicated with happiness and desire._

 _Mark couldn't even speak, he felt like a silly teenager who had just kissed a girl for the first time, he was defenseless in her presence. All he could do was kiss her again, and again, and again. Slowly, the hunger from a few minutes ago vanished and they kissed each other tenderly, taking in the other completely.  
_  
Amelia forced herself to stop thinking about that night, she sat up straight on the couch and blinked so that the tears wouldn't fall. Then, she stood up, grabbed the plates and the glasses and headed to the sink. Mark barely registered the fact that she moved, the arm that was holding her fell at his side, he was immersed in a memory of his own.

 _It was March 2005 and Mark returned home to an empty apartment, he had expected it, but it still felt like someone had knocked the air out of his body. Yet, he couldn't blame Amelia for leaving, after all, she had found him in bed with Addison almost an hour ago. It sounded like such a cliché thing to say, that he didn't mean to hurt her, but he didn't, he had never loved anyone like he loved her, but a few months shy of their 5th anniversary things weren't right between them. The previous year she started talking to her siblings again, and even though they never stopped judging her, it was nice being able to see her nieces and nephews, and spend a Sunday in her childhood home surrounded by them. Mark could see how happy it made her being able to spent time with her family, but no one knew they were together, Nancy would ask about his conquests and they would have to leave their rings in the apartment, they couldn't be seen arriving or leaving together and they couldn't behave as a couple when they were with the family. That's when the problems started, Amelia didn't want to tell them and he did, they both had solid arguments in their favor, he wasn't going to deny that, but at the time he couldn't help but feel that she was ashamed of him, when in reality she was ashamed of herself, she didn't want her family to know that they were together and confirm her suspicions that she wasn't good enough for him, that she was just a child and he deserved a real woman, her demons started eating her up and she couldn't stop them, she started isolating herself from him, devoting more and more time to work, in order to stop the thoughts from getting to her, but she only made it worse. For his part, Mark was so engrossed in believing that she was ashamed of him that his own demons awakened, thoughts about his parents leaving him in care of the nanny because they didn't love him appeared again, thoughts of being a disappointment plagued him, his self worth practically disappeared._

 _It started innocent enough, Amelia was off somewhere avoiding him, or rather, lost in her own head, and Addison called him to vent about Derek. After a few phone calls he started going to his best friends' house to talk to the redhead, reassure her Derek still loved her, and go back to his own Shepherd. Until one day Addison kissed him and he couldn't say no, he was so damn tired of everything going on with Amelia, and this woman sitting in front of him wanted him. But of course, in a sick twist of fate, Amelia decided to visit Addison that exact day and found them in the middle of their second round. He would never forget the look on her face when she saw them, it was as if she had seen a ghost, her whole complexion paled and in her eyes he saw his own look of realization reflected, it had come to this. Neither thought they were that bad, but it took a betrayal such as this to make them get out of their heads and understand what they were losing. Addison grabbed a shirt and ran to Amelia, she begged her not to tell Derek, and he remembered, Addie didn't know Amelia and him were married, he heard Amelia promise Addison that she wouldn't tell anyone and left, but not without giving him one last look of hurt as tears threatened to fall from her eyes. So, no, he wasn't surprised to arrive to an empty house. She left him, and he deserved it.  
_  
Mark was brought back to reality due to the sound of a knock on the door, as he stood up to get it he noticed that Amelia was already on her way to open it. Once she did, they both saw Callie and Sofia standing there. Callie looked at Amelia and said "Oh! You're Shepherd's sister, right?-"

Callie was interrupted by Sofia, who looked up at her and said "Mom, she's auntie Amy" as if it was something obvious that her mom should already know.

Callie was caught of guard for a second until she remembered that Mark was really close to Amelia and he often told Sofia about her or if he was on the phone with Amelia he would have Sofia talk to her. She made a mental note to talk to Mark about his closeness with this Shepherd, but now she had to go, so she nodded at Sofia with wide eyes and replied "Of course! How could I forget?" Then she looked at Amelia and Mark and told them "Arizona's on-call and I've been paged 911"

Amelia smiled reassuringly at Callie "Go, we'll take care of this princess" she then kneeled down to Sofia's level, grabbed her hands, put on the biggest smile she could muster given the circumstances, and said "Want to make cookies, sweetie?" to which Sofia nodded eagerly. Callie kissed her goodbye and left.

As soon as Callie left Sofia ran over to her dad, she had the biggest smile on her face as she yelled "Daddy!"

Mark had to admit, his daughter was his greatest joy, it didn't matter what mood he was in, she always made him feel better. Sofia was perfect, he finally had something to be proud of. He scooped her up in his arms and kissed her cheek before saying "How's daddy's little girl?"

At that, Sofia pouted, her brow furrowed, and she said "I'm not little!" then, she turned to Amelia and said "Tell him, auntie Amy!"

Amelia's smile didn't leave her face, Sofia was such an amazing child, and she was extremely proud of the dad Mark had become. Despite their complicated history, if he was happy, she was. She put on a stern look on her face and pointed a finger at Mark jokingly "Mark, Sofia is not little" she waited a few seconds, got closer to them, and as she tickled Sofia, added "She's tiny!" what followed was a shriek of laughter coming from Sofia. It was like music to the adults' ears, who laughed alongside her. That was the thing about Mark and Amelia, even if their history was filled with hurt, they still managed to maintain some sense of normalcy between them. If someone used to be your everything you couldn't just forget that and act like nothing happened. That's why they were so comfortable with the other despite their past, a relationship like theirs didn't just end, it just had bad moments and good moments. Yes, it made everything more complicated, but that was their normal.

They had just finished putting the cookies in the oven and were sitting in front of theT.V. watching Frozen when Amelia's phone rang, she stood up and fished it out of her bag, seeing it was Derek she answered "What do you want?" as she raised an eyebrow. Derek never called her, and the fact that she was in Seattle made her think that he needed something, and she wasn't wrong, Derek told her that he had been paged 911 to the hospital but he was rather occupied with Meredith, she immediately cut him off and whispered so Sofia wouldn't hear "Stop! I don't want to know about your sex life. Fine, I'll go, you better not complain next time I steal one of your surgeries" as tired as she was, she couldn't fight her instinct to run, and surgery was always the best option. Derek laughed, thanked her, and hung up. She turned to look at Mark, only to find him already looking at her, she scratched the back of her head, sighed and told him "Derek was paged but he asked me to go in for him"

Mark nodded, went to grab his car keys, and said "Here, take my car" as he handed them to her.

Amelia grabbed them as she looked him straight in the eyes, she knew they still had a lot to talk about, she just wished they didn't. They had had such a great time baking with Sofia that she wished things could be like that always, but she knew that that couldn't be and she couldn't bare the though of it any longer. She turned around and went over to Sofia, kneeled in front of her and said "Princess, I have to go"

Sofia's eyes watered, she was having so much fun with auntie Amy and daddy, she didn't want her to leave, her lip started trembling as she said "Do you have to?"

If you were close enough you could hear the sound of Amelia's heart breaking at that little face asking her to stay. She gave Sofia a sad smile and gently said "Yes, a patient needs me. But what do you say I make you waffles for breakfast tomorrow?"

Sofia looked at her for a few seconds without saying anything, and then a mischievous grin took over her features as she said "with chocolate chips?"

Amelia couldn't help but laugh "Of course with chocolate chips!" She then kissed Sofia's cheek and left.

* * *

When Amelia got to the ER she was met with Hunts' confused eyes "I thought I paged the other Shepherd"

Amelia smiled in amusement and said "I told you he needed me, didn't I?"

Owen raised an eyebrow and jokingly asked "Are you sure you didn't saw that he was paged and came here without telling him?"

Amelia gasped in fake surprise "Wow. You really think that poorly of me? Thanks a lot, Chief"

Owen raised his hands defensively and said "rather, that's how highly I think of you. And Shepherd, you can call me Owen" as a smile took over his face, he enjoyed messing with Derek's sister, she truly was a firecracker.

Amelia nodded as she pretended to think about what he said, then she answered "Well then Owen, you can call me Amelia. What do we have?"

As he handed her the CT scans, Owen said "The patient has a ruptured aneurysm, they're prepping her for surgery, Amelia"

Amelia held the scans in front of the ceiling light and was watching them, when a man, about 30 years old, ran next to her and Owen. The man was panting and had a panicked expression on his face, he said "Where is she? Where's Anne?!"

Owen was the one to speak "Sir, are you family of…" he checked the chart to see the patients' name "… Mrs. Anne Harris?"

The man nodded frantically "Yes, I'm Mike, I'm… She's-" He took a deep breath "She's my ex wife. Please tell me she's okay, her sister called me to tell me she was here. Please, I can't lose her, I love her too much." His eyes filled with tears as he uttered the last sentence.

Amelia swallowed the sudden lump that filled her throat before putting a hand on the man's arm and saying "Sir, I'm your wife's doctor. I'm gonna do everything in my power to help her, but you need to calm down, okay?"

Hunt had signaled a nurse to take Mike to the waiting area, he wiped a few tears and before he and the nurse left he looked at Amelia again and begged her "Please, I can't lose her. Not again"

* * *

It was 2 a.m. and Amelia had just told Mike that Anne was going to be okay, the way he hugged her compensated the fact that she was extremely tired. She was dying to crash in an on-call room, but she had promised breakfast to Sofia. Besides, it went without saying that the case hit a little too close to home. She felt so bad because the first person she thought of was Mark, and not her own fiancé, but at the same time she wasn't all that surprised, if she loved James unconditionally she wouldn't be here in Seattle. She decided not to add Ryan to the mix, it was way too complicated to figure out what she would've done regarding Mark had they gotten sober, what she remembered of the time with him was that she loved him, but then again, she spent the majority of that time high, she couldn't be sure what her feelings would've been without the drugs, of course she loved him, he was the father of her child, but she tried not to dwell on 'what ifs'. Those were the thoughts that plagued her as she drove to Mark's place. Once she got there, she went to Sofia's room, she couldn't help the smile that graced her lips when she saw the girl sleeping peacefully in her bed, she was the spitting image of her mom, but she slept in the exact same position Mark did, her mannerisms resembled Mark's to a T, she really was her father's daughter and that notion tugged at her hearstrings a little. But again, she didn't dwell on 'what ifs' it was pointless to think about what her children with Mark would've looked like. On the way to the apartment she decided that she would grab a blanket an sleep on the couch, she stayed in scrubs because her clothes were at Derek's and she didn't feel like sleeping in jeans, but when she went to check on Mark, her heart fell to her stomach when she didn't saw him in bed, she turned on the lights and saw one of his shirts and a pair of sweats on the bed, he must've let the clothes for her, but where was he? She went to the living room and found him sleeping in what seemed to be a painful position on the couch, she had completely missed him when she entered the apartment, she went back to the bedroom, changed, turned off the lights and went back to the living room, she kneeled next to Mark and caressed his hair softly as she whispered "Mark, let's go to bed"

Mark opened his eyes groggily and sat up on the couch, he rubbed his face and looked at her confused, he asked "Amy?"

Amelia shushed him in response, she grabbed his hand and led him towards the bedroom, they pulled back the covers and got under them. Amelia moved closer to Mark, who lied on his chest, and encircled him with her arm as she rested her head on his back. Finally, after a very long day, she fell asleep with the comfort of having Mark next to her. She wouldn't admit it, but that was exactly what she needed.

 **A/N:** This is a little short, I know, but I really wanted to publish a new chapter. Sooooo, what did you guys think about the flashbacks? Want more?Also, yes, I'm toying a little with Omelia, I still don't know what's gonna be end-game, but expect a lot of Mark/Amelia and some Slexie and Omelia.


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Babes! I'm so overwhelmed with the response this is getting, you don't know happy I get when I see a new review, it is truly the best feeling in the world. **Thank you so much!**

All of you are asking me to update soon, and I'm sorry I can't update daily, I really wish I could, but I write the chapters as I go along. **I promise I'll try my best to update as soon as I can.**

Without further ado, **Enjoy!**

 _ **Shadows of Remembrance**_

"If little by little you stop loving me, I shall stop loving you little by little…" Pablo Neruda

 **Chapter 2**

The next day Mark woke up first, he found himself facing Amelia, an arm draped around her little frame, as one of her legs rested on top of his. He vaguely remembered her arriving in the middle of the night, he had meant to sleep on the couch, but he knew she wouldn't have it, and right now he couldn't be more grateful for that. Watching her sleep had always been one of his favorite things in the world, she looked so peaceful, unlike her usual self, it made him feel like he was in on a secret part of her that no one else got to watch. With a pang in his heart he realized that now her fiancé was the one who got to watch her sleep everyday. But before he could keep thinking about that, Amelia woke up, she yawned and a smile took over her face when she noticed he was already awake, she joked "You've always been such a creep" but she did nothing to get out of his embrace, instead she ran her hand through his hair and then let it rest on his cheek. She knew she shouldn't be doing stuff like that, but she couldn't help herself, she felt like she needed to make the most of the time she had with him.

Mark melted under her touch and replied "And you've always been a light sleeper. You arrived late last night" As he caressed her back.

As she looked right into his eyes, Amelia said "Yep, 2:30 a.m. I had to do a craniotomy" She thought about Mike and Anne and she realized that maybe they were the reason why she was longing so much to feel Mark next to her. She knew that they still needed to talk, but they hadn't seen each other in a while and she preferred to pretend that there was nothing to talk about and enjoy his presence instead. They stayed in each other's arms for a while, Mark's soothing caresses made Amelia fall asleep again, he didn't have to go to the hospital until mid-morning and it was Saturday, so Sofia didn't have to go to school, it truly was a perfect morning.

The next time Amelia woke up she and Mark were in the same position as before, but this time she woke up first, yet, as always, they were in synch and Mark woke up too. Before he could say anything or stand up, Amelia leaned over to get closer to him and kissed him, Mark returned the kiss eagerly. Neither knew what they were doing, but neither paid much attention to that fact, or to any other, they couldn't really think about anything when the other was kissing them like that. They were interrupted by the sound of a knock on the door, Mark groaned and said "That's probably Callie" as he stood up.

Amelia stirred and rubbed her eyes, then she stood up too and said "I'll wake up Sofia" Before he left, Mark turned to smile at her and she bitted her lip in response. The whole morning went like that, Amelia and Sofia made waffles while Mark sliced some fruit and Callie watched, she was amazed at the way Mark and Amelia interacted with each other and with Sofia. When she was at the hospital she overheard a couple of nurses talking about the synchronization of the pair in the OR, now she was witnessing it in the kitchen, and it was a sight to behold. But beyond that, she witnessed the way Mark and Amelia looked at each other, the stolen glances, the smiles, the way they lingered for a little too long when their fingers touched by chance, she felt as if she was intruding on an intimate moment between the two. Once they all sat to eat, Callie moaned in pleasure at was she was eating and said "Mmm, Shepherd, this is delicious!"

Amelia smiled proudly and thanked her.

Mark was quick to intervene, warning Callie "Don't get used to Amelia's cooking, waffles are the only thing she doesn't burn" as he stifled a laugh.

"Hey!" Amelia protested as she hit Mark in the arm.

Mark raised his hands defensively and said "What? We both know it's true" a loving smile on his face as he remembered all the times Amelia had tried to surprise him with a meal she had made, only for it to taste awful.

Amelia rolled her eyes playfully and said shushed him.

Mark had to laugh out loud at her, she was the same girl he fell in love with all those years ago.

Callie knew Mark very well, and she had only seen him this happy when he was with Sofia. There was some weird air around him and Amelia, it was clear that they weren't just good friends, there was something else going on, the familiarity was palpable. It was different than Mark and Lexie, they seemed like a new couple, getting to know each other and all that, but Mark and Amelia seemed to know the other perfectly, they almost looked like an old married couple. She definitely had to talk to Mark, but for now she was going to investigate on her own, so she turned to Amelia and asked her "So, Shepherd, how long are you staying in Seattle?"

Amelia couldn't hide her surprise at the question, in reality, she bought a one-way ticket, she had no idea when she was going to return, she had just packed a bag and left. She gave Callie a nervous smile "I still don't know. Maybe 2 weeks"

Callie nodded, she pretended to act normal, but it all seemed so weird. How could someone not know for how long they were staying in another city? Yet, she decided to stop her questioning, for now, so she said to Amelia "Cool, I actually need a consult from you"

Amelia smiled, grateful for the opportunity to stop thinking about her return to L.A. and said "Sure"

* * *

Callie, Mark, Amelia, and Sofia went to the hospital together. Mark dropped Sofia at daycare while Callie and Amelia went to meet Callie's patient. Later they came up with a plan to treat him and, as they were scheduling the surgery, Amelia's phone rang. When she looked at the caller I.D. she froze, James was calling her. _Crap, crap, crap._ She completely forgot about him. Suddenly she remembered her morning with Mark, _crap_ , she just had to ruin everything, didn't she? She kissed her husband, ex-husband, _whatever,_ without even thinking about her fiancé, the man that loved her and could offer her the normal life she never had.

Callie looked at her confused and said "Aren't you going to answer that?" she actually felt concerned for Amelia, all color had drained from her face.

Without looking at Callie, Amelia said "Yeah… Yeah" as she answered her phone. She took a deep breath before talking to James, she said "Hi!" as happily as she could.

Mark would've known she was panicking, but James just thought that she was excited to talk to him. " _Hi babe, I tried to give you as much space as possible, but I missed your voice too much"_

God, he was so sweet and she screwed it up. She could practically feel her stomach drop when she heard him. She tried to laugh and said "It's fine…" She swallowed a lump in her throat and followed up with "I missed you too" But she could feel that she was telling a lie, and she hated herself for that.

" _When are you coming home? I was thinking we could have a May wedding, but I don't want to plan anything without you_ "

Amelia felt like she couldn't breathe, she and Mark had a May wedding. She couldn't deal with this right now, what had she gotten herself into? She told him "How about I call you later? I'm helping my brother with his patients and they need me right now" after all the lies she had already told him, one more wouldn't make the difference.

" _Sure babe, I love you_ " James. Sweet, gentle James, was oblivious to Amelia's inner turmoil.

She couldn't lie to him about this, she couldn't tell him she loved him. She settled for saying "Me too" and hung up. When she looked up she was met with Callie's questioning eyes, the orthopedic surgeon was well aware that Amelia didn't have patients that needed her. Amelia said "Look, I-"

But she was cut off by Callie saying "-Nope, you don't owe me an explanation. I'll see you at 5 for our surgery" then, she turned to leave, but before she went out the door she turned around, said "Look, I know we don't know each other, but if you need someone to talk to, page me" and left.

Amelia rubbed her face with her hands in frustration, she didn't know what she was going to do. She felt happy with James, she really did, and she thought she loved him, but being with Mark made her doubt everything, and she didn't even know what her feelings for Mark were, did she still love him or did she love the idea of who he had been to her? She honestly didn't know. She wanted to be happy and James offered exactly that, but he would never understand her, not all of her. Besides, if she really loved him she wouldn't doubt so much. The question was, was she willing to give up love in order to be happy with James? She wished she didn't have to make a choice. She cursed herself for not emailing Mark the divorce papers and get it over with, now she didn't even know how she felt, let alone what she wanted to do.

* * *

Amelia decided to check if there was a surgery she could do to get her mind off all of this mess, she was standing in front of the OR board when Hunt approached her "Amelia, hi"

She smiled at him as soon as he greeted her, he was such a warm presence, she couldn't help but relax whenever she was around him. She nodded "Owen"

Owen looked t the board and chuckled "Planning to steal one of Derek's surgeries?"

Amelia pretended to ponder and with questioning eyes, asked "But, is it stealing if he knows I'm gonna do it?"

Owen looked at her, crossed his arms, and said "Rather, I don't think it's stealing if your boss knows you're gonna do it" a joking glint in his eyes.

Amelia's eyes went wide, she seemed to have figured something out, she pointed a finger at him and said "That's exactly what I'm gonna tell Derek when he complains!"

Owen shook his head furiously "Wait, no! I told you I didn't want any part in this"

Amelia laughed and, as she left, said "Too late!"

Mark had watched their whole exchange, he followed Amelia to a supply closet and entered shortly after she did, he asked her " _Amelia_?" in confusion as he tried to imitate Hunts' voice.

Amelia was caught of guard, she was gathering some stuff, and without turning to look at him she said "What?" Truth to be told, she was still upset over her conversation with James, she really didn't want to talk to Mark at the moment.

Anger was evident on Mark's tone when he said "Since when does Hunt call you by your fist name?"

At that, Amelia turned to him. She pretended to be thinking hard and replied rather harshly "Since… Mmm. Let me see... Oh wait, that's none of your business"

Mark knew he was fighting a losing battle, what she did with her life shouldn't concern him, not anymore. But that didn't mean it didn't hurt to watch her flirt with other men, she still was his wife, wasn't she? He weakly replied "Of course it is"

Amelia raised an eyebrow and, sarcastically, said "Right! Because I'm you wife"

In his jealousy, Mark hadn't noticed it before, but her tone dripped anger. He knew her like the back of his hand, she could be the kindest person on earth one second, and the cruelest one the next one. She was ever-changing, she didn't fit into patterns, she could be shy and afraid, and she could be loud and sarcastic, she was a walking contradiction. He loved every inch of her, but he had forgotten how much he despised her constant back-and-forth in the last months of their marriage. Now, as then, he was tired of going in the direction _she_ decided to go. As she moved past him to leave, he grabbed her arm and said "No, you don't get to do this. You don't get to drag me into bed in the middle of the night, kiss me, flirt with me, and then act like this"

Amelia got her arm out of his grip with force, she spitted out "Let's not talk about things we don't get to do in this relationship. Need I remind you of Addison?"

Mark shook his head he answered "It always comes back to that" a hint of defeat in his tone.

As much as Amelia hated to see him blame himself, she couldn't help but blame him too. It was easier to put all the blame on him, it was easier to believe that it was his entire fault, that she was such a wreck because of him. It was easier to be angry at him. She crossed her arms over her chest and shook her head as she rose her tone "If you hadn't slept with her we wouldn't be in this…" She took a deep breath and added "…In this position" She wouldn't be questioning her love for another man, a man that made her happy.

At that, Mark couldn't help but roll his eyes. He had tried not to lose his temper with her, but his feelings got the best of him. He knew he made a mistake when he slept with Addison, but he wasn't the only one guilty. He scoffed "Please Amelia, don't kid yourself. We both know that we were halfway gone when I slept with Addison. If it wasn't that, something else would've tore us apart"

She felt like someone had stabbed her. She had convinced herself that they failed because he cheated, not because they weren't made for each other, the fact that he said that they were practically a ticking time bomb forced her to face a reality she didn't want to believe. She fought back tears as she said "You know what? You're right, we were never meant to be. We were a terrible mistake"

Mark immediately regretted what he said, his eyes widened and he said "No, Amy. I didn't mean it that way" Under the circumstances they were in at the time, anything would've torn them apart, but only under that set of circumstances.

Amelia shook her head, looked at the floor, and said "Maybe you didn't, but it's true. It's about time we face it" Now it was easier to believe that, get a divorce, and end it all once and for all. That way she didn't have to choose, the choice was made for her. Marrying James was better than the alternative. She walked past Mark, opened the door and left.

Mark sighed deeply and put his head in his hands, he didn't want to give up on her, he didn't want to give up on them, but maybe the solution was to do just that, maybe the divorce was what they needed. They only hurt each other, and he couldn't bear to be the cause of her heartbreak anymore, she deserved to be happy and their history showed that he couldn't fulfill that task, no matter how much he wanted to. He swallowed a lump in his troath and left. What they didn't realize was that the one and only Lexie Grey stood on the other side of the room and had witnessed their whole conversation.

 **A/N:** I know, this one is a little short, but I reaaaaally wanted to upload a chapter for you guys. What did you guys think?


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